“I don’t like conflict, but I’m actually really good at getting in the middle of it. So I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes. And that sort of mistake led me towards saying “I’m never going to be a counsellor” and then finding it’s what I do, it’s my state of flow, if you like. And then finding out that counselling is all about difficult conversations, difficult people. We know we have difficult internal experiences. And that led me to get really interested in how to resolve conflict. So I now work a lot with having people with who have difficult people in their lives or need to have those difficult conversations that we avoid. Yeah, organisations that need to deal with difficult circumstances, or difficult environments, difficult people. So that’s, that’s my world now.
In these difficult times so many of us are experiencing during the COVID19 pandemic it is often the kindness of strangers that gives an insight into our human connections. The pressures of responding to the unknown reveals our true values and strength of our relationships.
This is a story of how our social collective, our human generosity and care got my daughter home from London amid the chaos of an emerging pandemic.
When there’s potential for tension and heightened emotions research shows what you do in the first 3 minutes is vital. If you start a conversation with criticism or harshness, then add defensiveness and blame, the likelihood of escalating conflicts and wanting to withdraw from the relationship are predictable outcomes.
Julie is in my office again, frustrated with herself because she blew her cool with her ex, and found herself horrified at the words pouring out from her mouth! He’d said just one thing that triggered her, “I understand what you’re going through.” Of course, he didn’t!